What to ask a potential therapist in a consultation
There are many benefits to having a consultation with a potential therapist. A consultation is a brief meeting before scheduling your first official session. A consultation is a great way to ask questions in order to gauge if the therapist is a right fit for you and your needs.
Many people search for a therapist based on whether the therapist accepts their insurance or if they can afford their out-of-pocket fee. Also, due to the growing need for therapists throughout the pandemic, many people lock down the first therapist they find with an opening due to therapists’ caseloads quickly filling up during these trying times. All of these factors should definitely be considered when searching for a therapist, but there are other important factors that should be considered when finding a therapist.
Every therapist is not a fit for every client. Here are some topics you can explore with your potential therapist during a consultation:
Explain the reason you are seeking a therapist in detail
A consultation is an excellent chance for you to tell a potential therapist exactly what motivated you to seek a therapist. By explaining the issues that led you to therapy, you can gauge whether the therapist is comfortable treating these issues. Different therapists specialize in different issues. It may not be beneficial for a therapist who specializes in trauma to treat a client with an eating disorder if this therapist has never encountered this specific issue before. Great questions to ask are:
Do you have experience treating these issues?
What do you specialize in?
Cultural Competence
Another common factor in exploring whether a therapist is a good fit is the client feeling comfortable discussing racial and cultural issues. Cultural competence is the ability to interact, appreciate, and respect individuals outside of your own culture. Many therapists throw around the word cultural competence to advertise their ability to treat clients in multiple racial and cultural categories.
Some common racial or cultural aspects that someone may want to explore in therapy are:
The negative ideas of therapy in general- In many cultures, seeking therapy is not encouraged because families are taught that family issues stay within the family.
Corporal punishment- There are different ways parents discipline their children. Sometimes a client may feel like a therapist would judge or not understand the discipline practices they grew up with.
Colorism- In many cultures, lighter toned individuals are seen as more attractive or better than those who are darker skinned. This can cause favoritism with certain family members and peers that can result in some feeling singled out, not included, and isolated.
Racial Injustice/ Injustice to the LGBTQ2+ community - Many people have encountered racism, inequality, and/ or violations of their rights due to the color of their skin, sexual orientation, or gender. Many people fear that people who have not experienced these issues before would not be able to fully understand them and therefore could not properly treat their issues.
Many people only feel comfortable with therapists who are the same race or also a minority. This is understandable, however, if you happen to find a therapist that seems to check every other box except being the same race as you, a consultation is an excellent opportunity to explore if you can feel comfortable exploring racial and cultural issues. Some questions to ask to gauge their cultural competence are:
Do you feel comfortable treating individuals in my racial group?
Have you ever successfully worked with individuals from my racial group or outside of your own racial group?
How do you navigate a conversation when you are unfamiliar with a word, phrase, or topic I am discussing regarding my race? (There is a common complaint that if a therapist asks for clarification about cultural or racial issues, the client does not want to spend time explaining or educating the therapists on these topics.)
If having a therapist outside of your race or sexual orientation is a deal breaker, that is ok. Ultimately you need to feel comfortable discussing your issues with your therapist. If this means that you need to find a therapist within your own racial group, this is ok because if you do not feel comfortable talking about your issues in therapy, it can never work.
Discuss positive and negative previous experiences with therapy
If you’ve been to therapy in the past, it is always a good idea to discuss your experiences with your potential therapist. Whether positive or negative, your previous experience with therapy can dictate what you are looking for in a potential therapist. Did you love your previous therapist and you had to discontinue services because you changed insurances? Let your potential therapist know what you loved about your previous therapist. Maybe you felt like your previous therapist didn’t keep your attention. Exploring your previous experiences with a potential therapist can give them the opportunity to discuss if they have similar therapeutic styles or maybe they can assure you that the experience with them will be different.
A consultation can give you the opportunity to gauge the overall connection
Speaking to a potential therapist over the phone or via video conference gives you an idea of what therapy sessions will be like with them. You get the chance to talk to each other and see if there is a connection. Even though a therapeutic relationship is different from a relationship with a friend or family member, there still needs to be some level of comfortability. Some common complaints about therapeutic relationships are:
My therapist would confuse me with other clients and it made me feel like she didn’t care about me or my issues.
My therapist would often cancel last minute or show up 10 to 15 minutes late. (A consultation can give you the opportunity to see firsthand how your therapist schedules an appointment and see if they will come on time.
My therapist used a lot of words and phrases that I did not understand. This left me feeling like they were talking down to me.
If I spoke about issues with my loved ones, my therapist made it clear that they did not like them. Even though I was having issues with my loved ones, I still felt like I had to defend them.
Even though you may not be able to know for sure if the potential therapist will be a right fit, a consultation gives you an opportunity to complete a test run. Every therapist is not for every client. Each therapist brings their experiences, personality, education, and sometimes humor into the session with them. This is why you shouldn’t wait until you are in crisis to find a therapist and pick the first therapist that is available. You wouldn’t buy the first car within your price range without taking it for a test drive or doing your research, right? Working with a therapist that is not a good fit can sometimes set you back. It could lead you to feeling like you don’t want to open up to anyone again or give you a negative outlook on therapy overall. This is especially dangerous for individuals who really need therapeutic and psychiatric services in order to stay safe.
If you have been thinking about seeing a therapist for a while, or you’ve recognized some aspects of your life that could improve with therapy, start looking for a therapist now. Don’t wait until you are contemplating divorce or you’ve lost your friends due to your angry outbursts. Start the search today while keeping in mind that finding the right therapist for you could take some time. Even if you find a great fit and there is a wait list, at least you know that change is coming. Advocate for yourself by being the one to decide who you’d like to work with.
Chenelle Ellie, LCSW, PACE Social Worker
